What do my idols mean?

I just realized that some of my favorite musicians are a bit messed up. Seeing as one of my favorite people in the world is James Owen Sullivan, The Rev from Avenged Sevenfold, hes not really "messed up" per say though he is dead and it he may very well have committed suicide. Another one of my very favorite people is Brian Hugh Warner, Marilyn Manson. He isn't really messed up, in my mind though everyone perceives him as being so. He is just a unique artist. None the less hes not exactly quite acceptable in society. Though I love them both. I have had the same view on life as Jimmy since I was about 14 or maybe 13 years old. Well the view reflected in the video Fiction. Which is basically saying, to me (Seeing as art speaks differently to everyone) that life, for Jimmy at least, was just very difficult. It is a hard thing and was based basically around making others happy because he himself could not be. Of course in the song he is saying that hes done all he can in his life and others and now he is to end his suffering and that now all the pain will go away for him and that in death he will find happiness. Which speaks to me for personal reasons that I'm not going to get into now. Oh, and of course that he doesn't want anyone to be sad about his death because he is in a better place and that they can all make it without him. Which of course is absolutely beautiful. I just wish he didn't die after soon after he wrote it. I would have loved to talk with him about it. I actually would like to become a Psychologist and I feel like the more I learn the more I can help others as well as myself because I know I'm not psychologically well either.

Out of the Cloest and into the World

I'm addressing a a few things here. Well the obvious one is what the title implies. For all my social networking cites I'm putting my orientation as 'gay' as most put it. That is because I prefer girls to boys. normally I would have put that I'm bi because I am but there are way to may girls that say they're bi when they aren't they just say they are for attention. I on the other hand don't want male attention, like they're trying to get. Apparently liking girls is attractive... I don't see why honestly. I mean I do like gay guys but only because they are sweet and aren't flirting with me. They're just being nice. Not to mention they're much cleaner and less perverted most of the time. Not to mention I don't want to date a Bi girl. The ones I've met are the "popular" girls in my school and they are anything but nice. I'm not trying to offend all bi girls because I am one and I know there are more that are more like me then the ones I know. I would love to meet you if you are... ♥Thank you for reading ♥

Different=the same

I see myself as just like every other girl in the world. I don't see anything really "Special" about me. Maybe the difference between me and any other girl would be that I don't really try. I don't pretend to be like everyone else because that is cool. I don't say I like certain bands or artist because others do. I like who I like and if you don't like the then that is just to bad. I know there are girls out there like that but I also know there girls out there who pretend. I on the other hand am one that doesn't. But I am the same as everyone else in some ways as well. For example, I like the same kind of guys every other girl likes. I always have because those are the kind of guys I was raised around, like my uncle, they were the true out casts. I love the way they look but I hate how they all claimed to be original, claim to be unique when really all these scene/emo kids are a dime a dozen. I hate to be rude but honestly for every one emo/scene kid there is a dozen that look exactly like them. I know that might be very offensive but it's true and it is the same with those kinds of girls and all the people who try to look like them. I can honestly say that I can't blame any of the people who try to be like them though because they are just afraid of not fitting in. Though I look nothing like any of these people. I know exactly I classify and I bet I don't fit in anywhere but I won't change that. But believe me sometimes I wish I could just look like everyone else. With their scene/emo look so I won't be picked on and I could just blend in, maybe find a boyfriend. Though I DON'T look like that and I am shunned for it. I'm not like everyone else. I don't go out and party, drink or have sex. I stay home, I write, I study, I draw, I spend time with my family. I don't have a million friends that all they know about me is my name. I have a little group of friends but they know everything about me. I mean it sounds good and all but sometimes I just wish I could fit in.