If I was a Man

I think that If I had a penis I'd make a much better dude than most. I mean I'd probably make a better boy than I do a girl seeing as I know some amazing girls that I could totally get if I had a penis or would want more. Though of course I don't have a penis nor do I want one, I think it'd be awkward but being a boy seems so much easier. Girls are so much nicer. Well at least the ones I meet are. All around me girls are getting screwed over by jerks. UGH I just want them to feel better. :/ If only I was a guy, first I'd make sure those jerks didn't hurt my friends ever again then I'd show them how to be a real damn man!

Rant (First relationships)

-This is to one of my close friend's ex's who is obviously an idiot [WARNING: There is profanity in here, I use it when angered]-

How stupid and selfish do you have to fucken be?! Even a moron knows that when a sweet innocent girl has her first boyfriend she doesn’t KNOW how to act around him yet. She doesn’t know what to do. Life is a learning experience, what YOU teach HER or you learn together is all she knows. You have to be the biggest loser who has ever disgraced human kind that I have ever met. If you didn’t want to help her through her first relationship that STILL doesn’t give you any right to call her the worse girlfriend you’ve ever had you idiotic, worthless, senseless asshole. You leave her the FUCK alone. If you want to be a dick, do so to someone who deserves it. All she has EVER done was love you! She didn’t cheat on you, she didn’t insult you, she had nothing but nice things to say about you until you decided to turn on her. You were her first boyfriend, honestly how did you except her to act? You expect it to be hard wired into her brain?! If you wanted a whore, you shouldn’t have dated her. If you don’t know how the fuck to treat a woman you shouldn’t be dating let alone calling yourself a man. I think YOU have more to learn and more blame here then she could possibly have. Don’t you dare insult HER when you were ten times worse. My first boyfriend cheated on me 3 different times and he still knew more about how to treat a girl then you probably EVER will! And further more if you want to insult her do it to her face not over the phone you coward! Do it to her damn face so then she can come to me and I can get to you because I would have went off on you. Want to know the saddest part. I’m an even tempered person and making me mad is hard to do. DON’T FUCKEN PRESS MY DAMN BUTTONS YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A MAN! Learn how to treat a woman, learn how to be a damn man before you go around insulting people, and people who don’t deserve it at that.

Love For Teenagers

When you're young, like I am. You have to learn to make the best of your time. These days people get so caught up in their relationships. They put everything, emotionally into it. Then when it doesn't work they break down. I know, I've been there. I think that yes you should put emotion and care into any relationship and yes even at a young age you should have a relationship. It teaches you things you need to know and they are easier to learn earlier in life. The problem is the break down even children feel after the relationship has ended. They take on emotional stress, more than anyone their age should have to handle. The worst part is if they have to handle it alone. I know this from experience. I've had it go both ways. I've had to deal with the end of a relationship alone and it was horrible. It was still horrible the time I had people there for me but it was much less so. The point there is that you should help people who are hurting. Even in the smallest of ways, it will mean the world to them, like those things meant to me. Now I try to stay strong and be myself through everything. I think that is a smart thing to do, I admit it isn't easy but it hurts so much less if you do. I just can't be completely dependent on the person I'm with, I know it sounds easy but for a lot of people its not and it took me a long time to do. Anyone can do it though. They aren't everything, you don't need them, you can find someone else. There are billions of people in the world to chose from, you don't need the one that makes you suffer, they aren't worth it. I promise you. My point in this is to tell you that you have to stay strong and keep your composure through everything, or try, don't get caught up in things like I used to. For example I promised myself I wouldn't let my boyfriend make me cry, and I won't because I promised. I do love him though, I just need to keep that boundary so I can keep my strength. Its all about what YOU need to work on, this is what I need to help me. What do you need to help you get through the trials of life? The trials so many struggle and suffer through.

About Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan

Known by many people as The Rev, short for The Reverend. James Owen Sullivan was not only an amazing drummer for Avenged Sevenfold, but also a ingenious song writer. He composed much of Avenged Sevenfold's, not only music but also the lyrics to the songs too. If you actually know who I'm talking about, even a little, you'll know he died in December of 2009 from a drug overdoes. His death shook the band because Avenged Sevenfold (Commonly known as: a7x) was a band full of friends, not just because an important part of their band was gone. Jimmy was the lead singer's best friend since they were just kids. 

There is another thing that is really interesting about his death that some people don't know. This is the song they made, well actually The Rev wrote it only three days before his death. It has somewhat of a message if you listen to it. He was said to be a depressed person sometimes but he always tried to make others feel better even if he wasn't happy himself. The song he wrote before he died, which they think is a sign he knew he was going to die, was called Fiction. And > HERE < it is. His best friend, the lead singer, M. Shadows also had a few things to say about his death and this song. Obviously he was beyond the point of upset. He talks about how Jimmy (The Rev) was his best friend and was the people in their bands best friend for eighteen years and how every day he thinks about the loss of his best friend who was not only a their partner music. And going with that the band wrote a song dedicated to Jimmy (The Rev) this is called So Far Away. Here is a link to that! > ♥So Far Away♥ <

More Pictures

More Information

• Jimmy introduced m. Shadows to his current wife
• He died on December 28th, 2009
• The Album "Nightmare" was dedicated to him
• Born February 10th, 1981
• He died at the age of 28
• And I'm sure some people are familiar with their saying Avenged Sevenfold (Or A7X) foREVer Obviously REV is capitalized for him :)

Measuring Life

I hate when older people will speak to you like you know nothing. Like their plethora of knowledge highly exceeds your own when in reality they don't know just how much that person they are speaking down to has went through through out the trials of their life. Personally I know people my age that people don't really take seriously that they really should. I don't want to put anyone else's personal life out there but I'll use my self as an example. People think I don't know what its like to lose someone because no one very close to me has died quite yet. I understand that yes it is something traumatic and hard to go through but personally I think I have been through worse. I'm not saying it is as sad or should be pitied but I'm just saying that it is if not more, just as emotionally scarring to have a parent completely abandon you. Their argument is that I can still look that parent up and find him but honestly, at least the person you lost didn't chose to go, they didn't abandon you simply because they didn't want you. If my father died, I wouldn't even know that he had passed so he is as out of my life, as someone who had died would be. 
Then there is this false thought process that plays out years instead of experiences. You could be a million but have experienced little to no change and never had to cope with much in life compared to a teenager who's parent walked out on them,who's parent had a significant other that abused them and that teenager, as a child, feared for their life. The teenager could have been neglected and forced to care for their younger siblings, or they could have no parents at all and had to bare life always going from foster home to foster home until someone finally adopted them. 

What I'm trying to say is that older people need to stop assuming that they have been through more or are more intelligent then someone younger than them. Life isn't measured in years it is measured in your experiences and overall the contents of your life!

Dahvie Vanity

Okay so here is where I will tell you what I know about Dahvie Vanity from the band Blood on the Dance Floor! Okay so his full/real name is Jesus Dahvie Torres. His parents are from Puerto Rico but he was born in Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Though he was born in North Carolina he was raised in Florida.Growing up he was bullied and called fat and so he let that hate inspire him and he worked out and became who his is now because of it. That is one reason he has the saying, let the haters hate or what ever it may be. He teaches his audience not to listen to what people say or to turn the negative comments into productive criticism like he did when he was younger. His parents were also in the Military. His eyes are hazel green and he is 5'7"(5 feet, 7 inches). Oh and he was born September 5th, so if you want to give him a gift or something. On top all that his girlfriend died and so in honor of her he made the song Believe. It is an amazing song and it makes me want to cry especially knowing the story behind the whole thing. Oh and a random fact: He likes Chicken... A lot apparently. :3 I found this all... well almost all on a video but I don't quite remember how to find it so I'm afraid I can't link it here. 

Anyway! Thank you for reading! ♥

What lies Beneath the Surface

Many people judge others on things as simple as their outer appearance or how they may dress. In reality how people dress and who they really are have nothing to do with each other. I have seen people that scare me and I would typically expect them to be rude or scary. When in reality they were the sweetest person in the world. For example a Youtuber named Blake Bliss. If I just simply saw him I would think he was going to be rude and scary. I think everyone's mind just immediately processes people a certain way. There isn't much you can do about that itself but you can give these people who may look unpleasant the benefit of the doubt. Using Blake as an example again Blake Bliss is the most kind, gentle, caring person I have ever seen on youtube. He literally cares about all of the people that watch his videos. I love his personality so much and I have never even met him. The point is the people that you wouldn't normally talk to because they may seem a little different are sometimes the most amazing people to be around. You never really know until you actually meet ans talk to them. That goes for the other way around as well. You may think, wow this guy/girl looks amazing but in reality they could be so rude and obnoxious. I'm not saying the people are the opposite of what you think of them, I'm saying you should really get to know someone before you really decide if you want to be their friend. You never know, people may surprise you. I know I was surprised a few times. I know this is a message most people think they already know but I don't think many people actually do this. They may claim they do but they really don't or at least the people I have seen don't. I think it is something we should all do more often though. Thank you for your time. And if you were wondering who Blake Bliss is I'll show you one of his Videos: Blake Bliss-Beyond Bliss(Day24) <<< It is amazing, you can click it to see it. CLICK IT!

Why Teenagers DON'T tell their parents everything

Just to tell anyone who may not know. If you haven't read my blog before I am a teenager and I know this title may not apply to everyone's parents but in most cases it does. Parents say they want to know everything but what they don't know is that parents, like children, have to gain trust. If a child tells their parent something and they flip out on them instead of talking to them rationally or if they handle simply situations poorly children won't be comfortable telling their parents things. This applies to any topic or field of conversation. If they are trying to tell you they are dating someone you don't like and you flip out, they will carry that into other topics such as drugs and peer pressure as well. In my case my mother never seems to really care about the words that escape my lips. I will tell her about an celebrity idol I have and she never seems to care or really listen. I remember that and just decide not to tell her things. Not just things about my idols but also things about what happen to me in my day to day life. For example, who I'm dating and things that happened that day even if they are important. And its not because I have anything to hide, it is because well she didn't want to know about me then and she probably won't now either. Another place where parents need to let children speak is during arguments. Most parents get mad and just basically tell their children to shut up when actually they may have some valid points that you didn't think of. Parents need to understand that they are only human to and that their children have a good level of intelligence as well. Despite what parents might think you didn't teach them EVERY thing they know so you don't know everything about them, no matter how much it is you know.

My Excuses

I know I haven't posted and it seems like forever to me as well. You may be like Bleh! I don't care but I do, Anyway I was on vacation for a week. After that I had to keep my "cult" (I know weird thing to call it) on Vampire Freaks, going. It is actually very active despite the fact I only have like 6 people who actually post. I'm also very proud of the progress my blog has made in my absence and I will try mu best not to be absent anymore. Mostly because this is my favorite one of my blogs. I'm also planning on writing something called Writing is an Escape. It shouldn't be to long because I have a minor case of A.D.D or something and my train of thought seems to get off track a lot... Then again it could just be all that crap about today's youth and T.V/Video Games/ Computers... I'm not quite sure. Back to the point, I'M BACK! And though I don't really know who the people are that read this because I don't stalk my views... Though it does seem like they give you the choice somehow... I'm not that skilled. Anyway, back on topic. I'm back and I've missed writing very much. And if you are viewing... Thank you so much for your support! You're the best!

Daddy Issues

I miss him so much... And by him I don't mean a lover. I mean someone who was like a father to me. I just hate how people can just up and leave. It makes me feel worthless and stupid. Not only that but it seems like it permanently damages my emotional state. I feel like I can't get close to anyone with out expecting them to just up and leave. It has lead to a hand full of trust issues I don't know how to deal with. Maybe I need counseling but even then how would the treatment go without them there. I act like nothing is wrong when in reality I know there is but I also know I can't fix it and doubt anyone else can either. That is why I don't usually complain about it unless given a reason too. Maybe these Daddy Issues are what is making me so confused about everything in life. Maybe I'm just messed up. I don't know, and I may live my life never knowing, pushing all my feelings and needs back. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if I did. It feels like all my life my need for stability has been neglected. My situations just jump all over the place, where I live, who I live with, who loves me. None of that ever stays the same for too long and it feels like I don't either... I guess my point is, people, don't abandon the ones who love you, even if you are mad at them. It could scar them for life and every bad situation gets better if you are mad at them. Especially parents, your children expect you to be one of the few people in their life that will be there for them. Even teenagers, we count on you to always be there for us and we love you. A child's love for their parent is one of the strongest loves I have ever experienced. Even if they aren't willing to admit it they need you, the ones that love you need you... (Song to explain how I feel right now)

Gender Issues

No this entry is not insulting bisexual or homosexual people. It is about my own gender issues. Truthfully I'm a supporter of gay rights and its just plan stupid that they don't have the rights straight people do. I mean there is no difference! They just love their own kind there is NOTHING wrong with that and it doesn't affect straight people in anyway so you homophobes need to just get over it. I don't care if you are the one person who actually reads my blog! Get over it! They aren't hurting anybody. It just stupid that people condemn what they don't understand. ANYWAY... On to the reason for the title. I have gender issues of my own. You see I like both girls and guys, simply because I just like them as people not for any hormonal reasoning. Of course I do find them both attractive, more so girls than guys but still. I kind of still like guys but I like girls more. I want to be able to be sweet and flirty with girls without getting dirty looks. I don't mean just to people I know go that way. Maybe it's just my confidence level. :/ I just want to change. In appearance. I don't know what to do. I say gender confused because my first thought after I decided to change how I look was to look like a boy... I'm just so confused. Well If you are reading this and have any advice I would love to hear it. Thank you lovely people for reading this, I love you. I'll be sure to make another entry explaining how things went.

Eyes Closed

I close my eyes for what seems like a moment but when I wake up I find I've been out for days. I lost my best friends. All my feelings are gone... I have to cut it off. Leave, like I always do. They hate me. They all do and I can't blame them I hate me too. I always leave. It's not that I have to it is just that I automatically detach myself. I feel like I don't have control anymore. I feel like my mind pushes people away with out my okay, with out me even knowing. By the time I realize it all it's to late and there is nothing left. I just wait, for someone who can change that, for someone who can fix me. I feel like I really am broken, my mind is broken. From years of abandonment. They come and leave as suddenly as they came. I got hurt so many times from them that I push away before anyone else can hurt me. I don't try to. I want to love forever I want to stay close but I can't there is something in me that won't let me. I hate it and it hurts the ones I love... I just wish I could control what ever is doing this to me... I wish I could control myself.

Blogs

I have edited all my blogs to make them look prettier. Well pretty in my eyes. Including this one and I'm so proud. Now I have to do some more research on mental illnesses for my 'The Voices Speak' Blog. I'm actually really glad I added that because it will help me stay focused on my studying. Oh and I started following one Blog, she's writing a story and I absolutely love to read. I hope she doesn't find that weird. That is what Blogs are for, isn't it? They are to have people follow and to read. Well I thought so, Oh and I still don't know what a member is sadly. Blogs are kind of confusing to me still, I'll get used to it though I just know it! :D I also plan on having song reviews soon just because I LOVE music! If you're reading this tell me what you think of the idea?

Death...

Death... I never really thought about people dying around me much. It is a pretty morbid thought. Of course I have thought of it and cried but I hoped it would never have to come to that. Its different when someone you know loses someone they love. I tend to block out things that will hurt me. Hold my feelings back but I can't help but be sad that his father died. It makes me think about how I would feel so could better understand him. The problem is that I detach myself from others and/or any situation I may be in that is uncomfortable. Which give me a hard time when I'm trying to feel others pain and that is what I want to do right now... It just makes things so complicated. I don't know how to feel. I hope he rests in peace and that he had a good life but I can't really help that. I also hope that Robert some how finds the strength in himself to carry on and hopefully be happier again. He wasn't really a cheery guy to begin with. I just hope he finds an aura of normality after such a tragedy. All I can really do now is pray because he doesn't have the heart to talk to people at the moment. I can't say I understand but I can see why he wouldn't want to talk to anyone and could see why he would be upset. I want to help but honestly there probably isn't anything I can do about this situation. I wouldn't even know what to say.